#TBT A few first

After the epicness that was last weeks #TBT I've decided it may be necessary to switch gears for a bit.  So, my first speeding ticket.

My first car was a used 1992 Honda Civic Hatchback.  And while some people will give you crap for owning a "rice burner" (pretty racist but this was the late 90s and that kind of thing was allowed) but most people offered me cash on the spot for that car, I knew better and never took it.  In truth I wish I still had that car, nostalgia, wallet and general sustainability would be the reasons behind it.

So a friend and I went to Columbus we were both sixteen at the time, I'm not sure what excuse we gave our parents.  We made it up there and what was done just completely eludes me now it was apparently not that memorable.

On the way back from wherever we were, and whatever we were doing I decided I wanted to see how fast my new car would go.  Incase your wondering a 92 Honda Civic tops out at 110MPH but the speedometer reads 140MPH apparently it has a chip preventing higher speeds.

So it was night and not a soul in sight I open her up.  I reach 110MPH and then in the median a pair of headlights flip on.  I was calm and cool.  I instantly pump the breaks dropping from 110 to 70MPH (this manuver saved me quite a bit of money(because when speeding saving money is the goal))  The lights lit up.  Now from since before I can remember until somewhere in my mid twenties I had serious asthma (I was even hospitalized in the third grade(when I technically died(the nurse filled out my death certificate before actually verifying death(I got better quick))))  So as I slowed and pulled over for the cop to give me a ticket it hit me, "I'm on the way to the hospital for an asthma attack" it was brilliant and it'd explain the speeding.

Now in order to appreciate the full clarity of the next paragraph you need a visual aid.

This is Dennis Franz.

So I'm pulled over I go over the plan with my buddy, I was already driving when the attack occured we'd just started speeding and thought either town would be quicker and maybe I could get to my inhaler (to explain the direction of travel).

She walked up to the car and she was beautiful.  There were numerous problems with my plan.  I started having an actual Asthma attack.  The cop was a beautiful female officer, and she was wearing a shirt that could fit Dennis Franz yet weighted a third of him.  This is to say the shirt was far too big.

There was no undershirt, no bra, and it was big enough for Dennis Franz.  Yeah the 16 year old me seeing his first pair of in person boobs started having an actual Asthma attack.  My buddy however thought this would be the perfect opportunity to ask if she could use those handcuffs on him.  Pervert did not begin to describe this guy and he had the common sense god gave a mule, no mouth head filter (he took more than a few beatings for it).  She was great about the whole thing, honestly think she was more than a little flattered from the attention.

I lost my license for the first time.  I was doing 70 in a 55 and I had only had my license for a few months, I then had to write an 8 page paper to get them back, not to mention the wrath of my parents.

More tales of the road to follow.


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